Who Is Ug Lee?

Who doesn’t love a big smelly Neanderthal? Ok, there may be some skepticism there, but that’s to be expected. When people think of cavemen, they think of knuckle dragging, loin cloth wearing, fist pumping creatures who clumsily stalk their prey with an oversized club. There is one famous caveman, however, that is different from the rest. I bet you can guess his name. Yup, it’s Ug Lee you puny homo sapien meat sacks.

Ug Lee grew up a long time ago, before the internet or cell phones, when communication was derived from a series of grunts and taps on the head via club (love taps became a tribal mating ritual, passed on from generation to generation). When Ug Lee became a caveman of full stature, his tribe, the mighty Vestorans, went to war over an oasis with the despicable Gyconians. The Gyconians were a ruthless band of savages (even for their time) who rode the backs of giant lizards while trying to conquer the world.

Needless to say, the war was merciless. Both sides lost many warriors. Not that anyone died or anything. Whenever a battle was fought the groups intermingled and everyone started running around trying to club an enemy and got separated from their respected tribes (no one claimed they were masterful tacticians). After a while the Gyconians decided it wasn’t worth the trouble anymore and they mounted their lizards and rode off into the distance.

While Ug Lee wanted to win glory on the battlefield, he was content to find his way home and sprawl out on a choice slab of cold stone. The family matriarch decided that it was time Ug Lee left the cave, and found his own home. Taking all of his worldly possessions with him, his club and spare loin cloth, Ug Lee went forth.

He soon found that finding his own cave was not as easy as it sounded. For one, there weren’t a large number of empty caves and he wanted to remain close to his tribe. One day, he was strolling through the nearby oasis, and it began to rain. He had no cave to find shelter in, so he used his hands to stop the rain from drenching his gear. This was not very effective. He then used his club, which also did little to stop his loin cloth from soaking through.

Being the smart creature that he was, he began to run in hopes of finding some form of shelter. Being blinded by the rain, he tripped on a stone and fell over. Looking up, he saw piles of debris amid rough looking terrain. At a second glance, he noticed that beyond the rough exterior was the mouth of a cave. Tip-toeing into the cave, Ug Lee felt butterflies in his stomach. He could not believe a cave with such a good amount of space would be uninhabited.

After the rain, Ug Lee went to work. He cleared out the debris and fixed up the terrain around his newly found home. Inside, he used what salvageable material he could find to spruce the place up a bit. Once finished, bounded to the local village to show them what he had done.

The rest of the Vestorans were very impressed. Soon, they began asking Ug Lee to find them similar homes. He grunted that he did not simply find this shelter as it was, but had to rehab it. Amazed, the Vestorans commissioned him the title of “Home Vestor”. With his new title, Ug Lee helped pave the way for man to become more than just a group of big dumb animals.